so the workshop is over and my head is spinning.  I had an enjoyable drive from Esalen to Monterey airport with sweet Sue, so we took the chance to really try and digest and process some of the information.  Speaking of, here are some words from which it will be nice to take a short break:

processing

articulation

what did that bring up for you

boundaries

working through

issues

blockage

share

space

breathe

emotional availability and storage

Not that ANY of these are bad, but I’ve just been WAY submerged in them over the last week.  As I said my goodbyes today, I found myself drawn to certain people to say thank you and apparently, the feeling was mutual, as I needed to receive some thanks too.  Whoa.

Harriet: no, not me, she was the head honcho.  This was the first time I’ve spent time with anyone named Harriet and had to dismantle the constant strain on my neck and voice to quickly look up and around and say “What?” when someone would say “Harriet…”  I’ve never really been a big fan of my name, so having it used with such frequency, in a third person context AND most importantly, in such a “hail to Harriet!” way was incredibly useful for me.  As I mentioned in our sharing circle before we left, I admitted to the fact that I borrowed some of her “Harriet thunder” in listening to the consistent praise and expressions of gratitude.  So if you come across Harriet Goslin, listen up.  If you don’t come across her, find her.  Her wisdom and sheer brilliance is astounding and cortico field reeducation is a life game changer, I don’t care who you are.

Michael: Instructor, and had a TBI (traumatic brain injury) over 30 years ago and it was seeking healing from that which made he and Harriet cross paths.  You are great Michael, thank you for your insights.  You taught me a lot about TBI’s that I never really had the courage to investigate and that gave me quite a bit of unexpected insight into who I’ve become. Also, you and Harriet as a team taught me a lot about myself and my life.

Laura: instructor, mid 40′s, kind of a nomad, mother of at least 3 I think, one of whom had a brain injury.  She got me and really helped me to process some stuff (deliberately avoiding the use of “issues”) I didn’t realize I needed to regarding my car accident and TBI 17 years ago.  I had a table session with her that blew my mind the second night, so she helped me to see where this field of work can go.  Laura kept an eye on me during the entire workshop and really helped to understand  that it’s okay to ask for help, to let someone take care of me and that I can be safe with my eyes closed.  In her divine wisdom, “let enough be a feast”. So thanks laura.

Franklin: Such a sneaky little treasure was dear franklin…and I know you’ll be reading this my friend, so not only am I expressing my gratitude to you for helping me see some broader definitions of a healthy family and relationship, but I’m looking forward to keeping in touch so that we can keep each other in “check” as to how we’re softening a little & letting love guide our choices.  We’ll discuss over that glass (or bottle) of white wine soon enough Thanks for the compliment when we said goodbye, I think you’re pretty cool too…

Stefan: oh stefan…you grumbly little shit.  You walked in with a 95 year old body and stubbornness that seemed cemented into your entire being.  I’m glad we had the opportunity to talk that day during lunch and you left me with a completely different impression from which you showed the class. Working with you as my partner in class was so special and your words, wisdom and touch were so gentle and sincere.  I’ll watch (or possibly even read) “Zorba the Greek”. Yes you are 75, but you’re leaving with the spirit of a 25 year old and a body that will soon join you.  I’m excited to see you in October and see how mobile you are!

Sue: Oh Sue, there was divine intervention in our being roommates.  You are such an inspirational mother and an incredible human being.  Our discussions added so much value to my experience and although you are 75 and we just met, it felt as thought I were talking to a long lost friend my own age.  I’m excited to hear about the continued transformations you’re going to have, what life will be like without your brace and what next adventures you’ll be heading on with your daughters.

Ellen: Instructor. As I told you after the second day, your voice was music to my ears.  The day I crumbled you were right there for me and let me unravel.  You’re right, what IF I let myself be vulnerable for just 30 seconds at a time, then built it up slowly.  What IF I let my walls down slowly, imagine the kind of life I could have.  Thank you.

The Wisconsin girls:  You ladies were hilarious and it was so fun to see how different each of you are and that you’ve stayed connected since grade school.  That was a nice motivation for me to stay connected to some childhood friends. And Kathy, you’re beautiful, even when you don’t have your makeup on. Please be gentle, have faith and breathe…Alex will find his way.

Alex: 31, Kathy’s son who came to pick her up the last evening. It was nice to meet you and I know you’ll succeed in the healing arts.  Remember what I told you to say to your mom: 1) Mom Breathe and 2) Mom who is showing up today right now.  I look forward to hearing of your success and I’m here with a shit ton of experience if you have questions.

Richard: Thanks for your insight on love and I’m glad that after 75 years, you’re finally going to be available for the kind of relationship you deserve.

ESALEN.ORG: You have such a magical place, please guard it and keep doing what you’re doing.  Your grounds inspire magic and give road maps for people to find their way back to themselves.

To everyone else: It’s not that you didn’t effect me, you did, in your own way.  Thanks for the conversations, the smiles and the dancing.  My hips feel like they can’t wait to be on the dance floor.  And remember, it’s “I’m too Sexy” by Right Said Fred.  I’m currently trying to figure out how to make it my ringtone

How does one reenter their “real” life feeling immense change?  There’s an understandable anxiety that people won’t understand you, will question you, may misunderstand you, etc.  Blah Blah Blah. The right people will be waiting there with open arms and will say, “thanks for showing up, I’ve been waiting my whole life for you to get here.  Now let’s go and eat some ice cream.”

Namaste

Harriet, revised, revisited and renewed

So I had a massage booked at 2pm today. My body is exhausted from all the exercise we’ve been doing, so I’d been looking forward to it when I woke up. Well I went down to the baths to wait for my therapist char. I waited and waited and waited. At about 2:15 a woman came and asked if I was waiting for someone. I lit up and exclaimed, are you char!?

She disappeared around the corner and walked over to me slowly…”char isn’t working today, your massage is next Saturday at 2.”

Huh. I had a choice here. I couldn’t change what had happened, my massage time was not booked correctly. I could however, control my reaction. I got a brief flashback to january when there was some confusion in communication between Calli and a client, and a client showed up on the wrong day. We understood how she got confused, explained that she hadn’t read the most recent email confirming her correct day and time, and began to explore some alternative times for her. Well, she flipped out, cursed at us all, and asked to speak to the mgr. I politely explained that I was the owner, and she went on to comment that she couldn’t believe I ran my business this way. What way I asked? You found the spa due to getting a free massage during our annual teacher special? I told her I was doing my best to meet her needs, but her anger made my motivation less than enormous.  She rescheduled her massage and I made the point to mark it in my calendar so I would NOT be at the spa.

So…after that flashback, I took a deep breath and explained to the nice therapist who had been the bearer of bad news, that I was disappointed there was a mistake, but it happens. My body immediately felt as though I’d been punched in the stomach, and I returned to the changing room to gather my things and return to my room.

A few minutes later, the aforementioned therapist asked if I’d be willing to cut short my dinner. If so, she volunteered to work on me.

Whoa. My spirits lifted and I said, “name the time, I’ll be there!!!” So I returned from the baths and informed my teachers that I might be a little late to class bc I’m getting a massage from a sweet woman named Debra.

“Wow, Debra? She’s the head of massage at esalen and has been here for 30 years! What a serendipitous turn of events for you Harriet…”

The lesson here? Shit happens. You choose how you react. And even in the perceived worst of times, it makes the best all the more enjoyable

Apparently, i didn’t know what I was getting into with this workshop. Several people have told me that my massage technique resembles feldenkrais, so what a great opportunity to study a modality to extend to my clients, and even better, the instructor’s name is Harriet.

Well, it’s not what I expected, although I admittedly went into it a bit blind. This workshop is actually called “Cortico field reeducation”, based on feldenkrais techniques. What this means in layman terms, is that I’ve stored a bunch of emotional shit in my various injuries over my life, so my personality and patterns in my behavior have adjusted accordingly. Whoa. If you think this is heavy shit, you’re only scratching the surface.

For instance, take a child who is excited to see their mom, they run toward her in with enthusiasm, they hear a door slam somewhere in their periphery so they begin to cry. Thy arrive to their mother’s arms crying, ecstatic to be held and comforted, and the child is scolded for crying. The child is then told they will be put down if they don’t stop crying…

That’s where it starts. Jaw clenching, inhibiting emotions, fear of expressing emotion, being made wrong, etc. so there you find a man or woman who has so much pent up anger and fear, expressing bouts if whatever that brings up…

And that’s just the beginning of what we ate unraveling here.

Moral of the story? I came to learn how to help my clients and I’m learning that I actually came to help myself, so that I can be more available to help my clients. Whoa. Heavy stuff. But ironically light as air

More later about who I’m meeting and the conversations i’m having. None of it is coincidental

Word.

What is Feldenkrais? As far as I’m concerned, it’s the unwinding of pain through understanding it’s source using movement & touch. Several of my clients have mentioned this technique over the last few months, so I researched it and found a workshop on it at the incredible & esteemed Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California.

So off I go to learn about this technique and to also enjoy a week of “solitude” amongst strangers. Best part of the workshop so far is the instructor’s name is Harriet. She won’t be forgetting my name, that’s for sure.

As I tremble in my reverse extended half Moon pose I hear miss Kerry armstrong’s boisterous voice exclaiming, “look up look up, what’s the worst that will happen? You’ll fall down… Then you’ll get back up! So LOOK up!”

So take a risk. What’s the worst that can happen? You’ll fall down. Just get back up.

Try the new yoga class
Give that guy a chance
Try the new food
Take that trip by yourself
Give yourself a chance at love
Try the new hair color
Convince yourself that you’re enough exactly as you are
Just begin…and whatever happens? It’s totally okay.

It’s best to know and be disappointed than to not know and wonder.

Word.

This is a very powerful TED talk that has been the subject of many discussions with people as well as a thesis topic for a friend of mine.

http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html

If you don’t have the 20 minutes to spare, I’ve included some of the highlights with some of my thoughts…

CONTROL- Texting, Emails, Facebook, Twitter, etc…all these social mediums give you the opportunity to edit, retouch and control the “self” we wish to show our audience. Yes, that’s great, especially if choice of words are crucial, time is of the essence and you’re a victim of bad lighting. But does it lessen our development of social intelligence and capacity to have astute discussions? In face to face conversation, we have to think on the spot, we can’t delete/edit/psycho analyze so that we can come up with the perfect response to our audience. What’s at risk here? Our fear of looking stupid, not being as witty as we would have liked, not saying the right thing, being misunderstood…

those are all powerful fears to have and they all contribute to our overuse of mobile devices to appropriately “display” our edited lives to our liking. kind of a bummer, spoken from a social media junkie.

Another thing that really hit home for me is that technology appeals to us where we are most vulnerable, in that we’re often lonely, but afraid of intimacy and we have lost a little confidence that “we” will be there for each other. Instead, we obtain the illusion of companionship through txting, tagging, posting & tweeting, while skipping the emotional demands of friendship or intimate relationships.

We have also given a new definition to the concept of being “alone.” Once upon a time, you’d tell someone you were going somewhere to be alone, when once you arrive, you’re playing “Words with friends”, catching up on emails/txts or sharing with your friends on facebook where you are…waiting impatiently for a response to your experience, or a confirmation that someone is listening to the heartbeat of your life.

It’s created a mentality of “I share, therefore I am…” promoting isolation and discouraging face to face, private connection.

So is the solution to ditch your mobile devices, laptops and unplug from social media? No, I don’t think so. However I do believe that more emphasis should be placed on being in the moment and focusing on where you are and who you’re with. It’s okay to act without knowledge of the facebook world and just hang with those important to you, for the sake of developing your relationship, not developing your online status updates.

that’s all for now…

NIke hired this guy to make a movie about what it means to “Make it count,” to tie into their campaign, “LIfe is a Sport. Make it Count.” Instead of making a movie, this guy traveled the world with his buddy until the money ran out. It took 10 days.

Inspiring, authentic, bold & right in line with what I’d do. If I were Nike, I’d hire this guy full time…

Way to make it count guys.

Have you ever googled yourself? I’m sure you have. I have on occasion and it’s interesting to see what the world wide web grabs at different times. I bring this up because a client recently told me he googled me and found an article about 5 years old about me that began with the quote, “to risk nothing is to lose the thrill and adventure life has to offer…”

I know the age of the article because it said I’d been doing massage for nearly 6 years and now I’m close to 10. The good news is that though I’ve certainly grown in terms of life experience, my perspective about risk remains the same. I still consistently risk and fortunately have been rewarded generously. Does that mean I’ve always succeeded when I take a chance? Certainly not. If I fail, it means that I’ve succeeded in figuring out what didn’t work and I try again…

p.s. what I also learned from a self google:

1. I’m going to write a new intro for my website
2. There’s ANOTHER Harriet in Utah who does massage
3. There’s a link to a picture of me as a “soigneur” handing out water bottles to the cycling team I worked for during the philly pro nationals in 2005.
4. I am quite eloquent in my response to the occasional negative feedback about my business, as it brought up a response to a review that someone wrote a few years back

Google you’re incredibly random, but quite an inspiration to shake things up a bit.

Thanks.

Off to “end” my week with Scott’s restore class.

Word.

I tried to go back and edit about # 2, but my itouch wouldn’t let me. So…about making/clearing space:

Do you have clutter in a room you need to clear? Do you have a room that could be reorganized to let it reach its potential? Do you have a basement or anywhere of stuff that is stagnant & unorganized? If you do, there’s a chance it could be effecting your clarity of thought, your sleep and even your relationships…

Yeah, really. Over the last 2 weekends with the help of kevin’s mad skills, I now have the following:

1. An organized storage basement
2. Accessible & organized kitchen supies
3. A style of displaying my hats/scarves that’s both functional and decorative
3
4. A clean back patio with all my old outdoor furniture that used to be in storage at a friend’s house

What I gained aside from a killer living space? My thoughts are more clear, I can cook more easily if I want, I have a great outdoor entertaining area and tons of space to buy more stuff!

I’m kidding…I think?